Guilt is a heavy burden to carry. It sometimes consumes the barer to the point that surpasses any understanding. The problem with guilt is that we feel guilty for feeling guilty. The world we live in encourages freedom of thought and deed. But in reality we are trapped by the guilt of years of doing what ever we want and not caring who we hurt. And then one day we realize that all of those now nameless people we have hurt, scared, left behind, were some of the most important.
We turn our backs on our parents because society says if you have trouble it’s probably your parents fault for screwing you up. There might be real situations where the parents are completely toxic. But, really, they are your parents. All that is required is that, if they raised you, you treat them respectfully. You do not put them in rest homes and forget about them simply because you never out grew your teenage angst.
We cheat on our spouses and our friends. Why? Well, we are told that there is always something better waiting. We don’t have to treat people respectfully because there are always ten more waiting. And then we find ourselves very alone.
Defensive like children we walk around angry and out of sorts with our lives. Every person thinks they are the only one who counts. Crimes of all sorts seem to be on the rise. And not just the run of the mill crimes...Disturbingly violent crimes are seemingly more and more in the news.
I wonder if someone went to all of the people they may have hurt went and apologized. I wonder what a difference that would make.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
My Hut Is On Fire
So a man washes up on a deserted island. There is nothing but some wood, fruit and some flint. He starts a small fire careful to keep the rest of the wood out of the way of the small hut he built. The man had to gather more fruit so he left the fire burning. When he returned...the hut was on fire.
The man cries out, "GOD why did you take away my only shelter! How unfair and cruel!" The man curls up in a ball to battle the elements for the night still angry at God and himself for not having the foresight to put the fire out.
The next day a boat rows to shore. The man is ecstatic.
"How did you find me? I thought for sure I would die here." he asks the sailors.
"It was your signal fire. We would have passed right by if not for the high flames." They replied.
Today a woman named Kathy Souders slashed the tires of four postal vehicles at a London Ohio Post Office. Why? She had just lost her home and wanted somewhere to live. Kathy decided Federal Prison was better than living on the street.
That is a serious problem. I hear on the news that the economy might be turning around. Things should be looking up. Soon. Maybe.
Stories like the one I just heard make me wonder if it's soon enough, though. I mean, when old ladies are committing federal crimes to get a place to sleep at night...seems like a problem to me.
And the government types are pontificating in Washington about what they are going to do or what needs to be done. Where is the ACTION? I do not believe that the American people can really rely on our government to get us out of this. This country needs to change it's attitude. The government is not going to ever hand us enough money to get out of the individual holes we are all in. The only way we are going to overcome is to help each other.
My plan is pretty simple...
Every person knows one person who knows how to do something. Cook. Clean. Sew. Fix Cars. Fix computers. Paint. Reseal driveways. You get my point? If we could only start bartering for what we need. Yes, it would not stimulate the economy in any real way. But someone has to buy the cleaning supplies, right? Or the paint? So, if we are buying the little supplies and have a friend do the work for, lets say, dinner. We stimulate the economy in a little way that would add up to big bucks if enough people do it.
It is all about doing the little things. More about giving others hope than money. Nobody has money anymore. That's just a fact of life. But when we run out of hope...well that's when the real trouble starts. That is when people do desperate things. That is when hearts are broken and families are torn.
If everyone could just see all of the huts on fire maybe we would be quicker to come to the rescue. And those of us with our huts burning down should try to remember that maybe our hut burning down is leading to something better that we can not even imagine.
The man cries out, "GOD why did you take away my only shelter! How unfair and cruel!" The man curls up in a ball to battle the elements for the night still angry at God and himself for not having the foresight to put the fire out.
The next day a boat rows to shore. The man is ecstatic.
"How did you find me? I thought for sure I would die here." he asks the sailors.
"It was your signal fire. We would have passed right by if not for the high flames." They replied.
Today a woman named Kathy Souders slashed the tires of four postal vehicles at a London Ohio Post Office. Why? She had just lost her home and wanted somewhere to live. Kathy decided Federal Prison was better than living on the street.
That is a serious problem. I hear on the news that the economy might be turning around. Things should be looking up. Soon. Maybe.
Stories like the one I just heard make me wonder if it's soon enough, though. I mean, when old ladies are committing federal crimes to get a place to sleep at night...seems like a problem to me.
And the government types are pontificating in Washington about what they are going to do or what needs to be done. Where is the ACTION? I do not believe that the American people can really rely on our government to get us out of this. This country needs to change it's attitude. The government is not going to ever hand us enough money to get out of the individual holes we are all in. The only way we are going to overcome is to help each other.
My plan is pretty simple...
Every person knows one person who knows how to do something. Cook. Clean. Sew. Fix Cars. Fix computers. Paint. Reseal driveways. You get my point? If we could only start bartering for what we need. Yes, it would not stimulate the economy in any real way. But someone has to buy the cleaning supplies, right? Or the paint? So, if we are buying the little supplies and have a friend do the work for, lets say, dinner. We stimulate the economy in a little way that would add up to big bucks if enough people do it.
It is all about doing the little things. More about giving others hope than money. Nobody has money anymore. That's just a fact of life. But when we run out of hope...well that's when the real trouble starts. That is when people do desperate things. That is when hearts are broken and families are torn.
If everyone could just see all of the huts on fire maybe we would be quicker to come to the rescue. And those of us with our huts burning down should try to remember that maybe our hut burning down is leading to something better that we can not even imagine.
Monday, October 26, 2009
No Child Support?
Child support has become a difficult subject for me. I have been in court this year several times feeling like I have to defend my child’s right to receive $200.00 dollars a month in support from her father. He states that he cannot afford to support my daughter and pay support for his other children by another mother. I argue that even a token payment would go a very long way. Just make an effort. But apparently, because I am employed full time and make a decent wage (or I used to before pay and hour cuts) he has decided that his contribution is not needed. Not needed...okay...let me break this down for him...
Health care coverage (through my job) ...57.00/week 2736.00/year
Daycare ......90.00/week 4320.00/year
Clothes (which I am going to lowball because she’s not old enough to complain about thrift store clothes) ......$400.00/year
Food ......$100.00/month 1200.00/year
Co-pays/Prescriptions ......$300.00/year
Total $8956.00 per year
Now that is just for her direct support. She is not in any activities such as dance or swimming or soccer...can’t afford them right now. Nothing having to do with factors such as school (as she is not yet in school) or maintaining a household is included. I am sure that someone can argue with how much I put down for this or that but this is just mainly estimates...I might keep track of it one day and I have a feeling it is actually more expensive than I am representing.
Now throw another spoke in the wheel. He is currently in a treatment facility for PTSD. I am not going to argue whether he has it or not or what the heck is wrong with him. Honestly, the only thing that matters to me is my daughter. I have seen that he has abandoned his daughter. He has seen her for grand total of eight hours in the last year. I have seen him in a relationship with a woman where there was constant violence on both of there parts (leading to arrests so completely verifiable, not just heresy). He continually goes back to said woman and when they break up he makes a bee line for me and his family members apologizing and saying things are going to change. This is a pattern. Not just one incident. So, we go through this every few months. He swears he’s going to be there for his daughter and his family and things are going right again.
I have been informed that if he does manage to get 100% disability for his PTSD...my daughter is entitled to none of that for child support. Well, I should say that his disability check would not be garnished. There might be a way for her to get some allotment of something. I just don’t know yet. It might be a moot point because he may not get any disability. But right now he has been out of work for 3 months...again.
At any rate, the entire journey has been frustrating to say the least. The uncertainty and inconsistency are hard for my daughter to deal with and there is just no way to know the outcome.
I think that there is a need for the law to be more vigilant when it comes to these situations. They take his license and he drives anyway. Take his tax return and he just doesn’t file. Garnish his wages and he just works under the table. He gets VA benefits and gives his daughter nothing.
So my real question has become one not for myself and what am I going to do. If I have to work three jobs I will...
It becomes the question of who is going to be accountable for the destruction of these children. It is not fair for any child to suffer because that child’s father/mother refuses to do what is necessary for the health and well being of that child.
I know that life is not always fair. And as an adult I can accept that for myself. But do not make me tell my child why we won’t have milk for cereal until Friday...We can buy fresh fruit in a couple of weeks...or no we can’t drive anywhere this weekend because gas is too expensive. That is the reality for many single moms. That is what is heartbreaking and tragic.
Health care coverage (through my job) ...57.00/week 2736.00/year
Daycare ......90.00/week 4320.00/year
Clothes (which I am going to lowball because she’s not old enough to complain about thrift store clothes) ......$400.00/year
Food ......$100.00/month 1200.00/year
Co-pays/Prescriptions ......$300.00/year
Total $8956.00 per year
Now that is just for her direct support. She is not in any activities such as dance or swimming or soccer...can’t afford them right now. Nothing having to do with factors such as school (as she is not yet in school) or maintaining a household is included. I am sure that someone can argue with how much I put down for this or that but this is just mainly estimates...I might keep track of it one day and I have a feeling it is actually more expensive than I am representing.
Now throw another spoke in the wheel. He is currently in a treatment facility for PTSD. I am not going to argue whether he has it or not or what the heck is wrong with him. Honestly, the only thing that matters to me is my daughter. I have seen that he has abandoned his daughter. He has seen her for grand total of eight hours in the last year. I have seen him in a relationship with a woman where there was constant violence on both of there parts (leading to arrests so completely verifiable, not just heresy). He continually goes back to said woman and when they break up he makes a bee line for me and his family members apologizing and saying things are going to change. This is a pattern. Not just one incident. So, we go through this every few months. He swears he’s going to be there for his daughter and his family and things are going right again.
I have been informed that if he does manage to get 100% disability for his PTSD...my daughter is entitled to none of that for child support. Well, I should say that his disability check would not be garnished. There might be a way for her to get some allotment of something. I just don’t know yet. It might be a moot point because he may not get any disability. But right now he has been out of work for 3 months...again.
At any rate, the entire journey has been frustrating to say the least. The uncertainty and inconsistency are hard for my daughter to deal with and there is just no way to know the outcome.
I think that there is a need for the law to be more vigilant when it comes to these situations. They take his license and he drives anyway. Take his tax return and he just doesn’t file. Garnish his wages and he just works under the table. He gets VA benefits and gives his daughter nothing.
So my real question has become one not for myself and what am I going to do. If I have to work three jobs I will...
It becomes the question of who is going to be accountable for the destruction of these children. It is not fair for any child to suffer because that child’s father/mother refuses to do what is necessary for the health and well being of that child.
I know that life is not always fair. And as an adult I can accept that for myself. But do not make me tell my child why we won’t have milk for cereal until Friday...We can buy fresh fruit in a couple of weeks...or no we can’t drive anywhere this weekend because gas is too expensive. That is the reality for many single moms. That is what is heartbreaking and tragic.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
